The Way it is: Sexual Violence
Each year there are thousands of reported instances of women around the world being abused, raped, and murdered by men. Yet, this does not take into account all unreported instances of sexual violence against women. Many times such instances are not reported because reporting methods may not be available or dependable, or there may be consequences for the woman doing the reporting.
Violence and sex in the form of rape cross every culture and region in the world. Women are for the most part are taught that femininity is 'fragile' and 'delicate' and in need of a man's protection.
As a result, women are often helpless victims falling prey to men's aggression. At times it is difficult to understand, especially when the aggressors are boyfriends or husbands.
In cultures around the world, there can be an unofficial curfew for women when it is no longer safe for them to be outside on their own. Rarely are women seen as the victimizers in cases of rape and abuse. There is a significantly smaller number of men suffering similar fates at the hands of women.
Domestic violence is one of the most chronically under-reported crimes(2). For many men, it is hard to accept that women can be the victims of male aggression. Especially when the abuser is a husband or boyfriend. "Why doesn't she just leave him?" It's a question many men ask in cases of wife or girlfriend abuse, but what happens when the victims of domestic abuse actually snap?
When real women actually go so far as to get violent, they are usually portrayed as crazy. Most stories out there are of women killing their kids, or women killing other women. Sometimes victims of domestic and sexual abuse take matters into their own hands, oftentimes in helplessness, justice cannot be served or because the law won't do enough to help. Media backlashes make it seem as if the attacks they faced were deserved, and even sentencing of battered or raped women can be harsher than their assailants.
Sure, women can be the aggressors, but what about women who get revenge on a man who deserves it? A pregnant woman in Turkey got her revenge when she shot to death and decapitated the man who had been raping her for months. Now, she is seeking an abortion - the child was conceived after months of continued rape. This brave woman, after being blackmailed with nude photos of herself, finally got tired of being the victim. After shooting the man to death, she severed his head and left it in the town square. She told villagers it was "the head of the one toying with her honor." Police arrested her shortly thereafter.
If you ask me, he got what he deserved, and she should have a holiday named after her to honor her bravery! After being victimized for so long, this is exactly what SHOULD happen, at the very least because it causes other would-be rapists to think twice. Being a resident of Turkey, there's a good chance that if she had told the authorities she was being raped, she would have been blamed, and he would not have been jailed. I blame society for this one. The only other criticism I can make is that she shouldn't have let the raping go on for months - I would have shot him after the first time - and she might not have to worry about seeking an abortion. Still, she's a fearless woman and it's great this story made international news. Read the full story here.(3)
Another woman in New Mexico shot and killed the man who was about to rape her, with his gun. She was asleep in bed when she awoke to a man standing over her with a gun to her chest. She wrestled the gun away, pushed him to the floor, and killed him in what has been called a "justifiable homicide" - thank you, Western Justice System! Turns out, the man was a convicted sex offender. Read about it here.(4)
Violent Femmes: Arm Women with Knowledge, Martial Arts and Weapons if Necessary
Femmes Fatale or 'Women Fighting Back: It's Effective and it's Sexy!'
The premise behind this is that when a woman feels she can defend herself, she becomes more confident about all aspects of her behavior, including her sexuality. Unless she is deeply masochistic, feeling like a victim does little for the orgasm potential of most women.
Hollywood has capitalized on this knowledge. Movies like Fatal Attraction, Basic Instinct, and Thelma and Louise are just a few movies that celebrate violent, confident, sexually aggressive women.
Audiences, both male, and female, love these characters. Even though it's only fictitious, in the western world female actresses make their career showing the world that women don’t have to take on passive roles. Angelina Jolie starred in Tomb Raider, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and in the movie Salt she plays a female version of James Bond. Milla Jovovich fights zombies MMA-style in Resident Evil. Jennifer Lawrence in the Hunger Games, Lucy Lawless in Xena the Warrior Princess...the list goes on. These ladies are great role models, but this hasn't been translated into reality yet.
There are a number of ways to build up one's confidence vis-a-vis predatory men. The most important is psychological; a simple refusal to see oneself as the weeping, screaming victim, helpless against the power of the male predator. The old style of Hollywood woman.
To those kinder, gentler feminists who feel uncomfortable about defending themselves against violent men, I would pose the following question. How much success would Gandhi have had if he were fighting against Hitler?
That's right...introducing a *pink* mace gun for us girls! Did I mention it's pink?? Unfortunately, mace is illegal for citizens to carry in some of the United States. Fortunately, you can order it online. These NEED to be available to women in every single country. Currently, they're not...yet! It's perfectly fine in this instance to break the law...it could save your life. If you can't find these at your local sporting goods store, order it and carry it with you. Benefits include: saving your life, it's not deadly to your attacker, and it'll make him think twice before victimizing another woman, thus potentially saving other women.
While women's self-defense isn't as popular in the Middle East as it is in America, it is nonetheless taking root! In Cairo, Egypt self-defense classes for women are becoming more prominent; Facebook is the main promotion tool the schools are utilizing.
Female self-defense is exactly what the Arab world needs since women don't like reporting cases of sexual harassment, viewing it as shameful and a disgrace to their honor. Even if they did report it, there's little chance it would change anything, since the policemen have a history of harassing women themselves.
When a male is intimate with a strong and confident woman, whatever sweet and dirty games are played as equal consenting adults. What she does with/to/for him she does as a free woman. This is so much more pleasurable than traditional lovemaking with a woman who submits out of duty, not desire.
Truly equal women were truly equal in bed. And they wanted sex just as much as men. So don't be a victim ladies; it will help you enjoy your feminine power!!
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